Tales from the Rural Patrol

(Editor’s note: Factual information for ‘Tales’ is provided by the Josephine County Sheriff’s Office. All persons listed are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Charges can be amended or dismissed.)

Sunday, July 17
*A citizen wanted to know if she could shoot the neighbor’s bulls since they were on her property in the 900 block of Naue Way at 6:50 a.m. (Barbecue?)
*A green 2004 Ford F350 pickup truck was stolen from a driveway in the 3700 block of Dick George Road at 8:08 a.m. A report was filed for unauthorized use of vehicle (UUV).

Monday, July 18
*At 9 a.m. a resident in the 3700 block of Dick George Road reported there was more missing than his Ford F350. The back door of the garage was hammered in, and a Honda generator, Husqvarna chainsaw, portable sawmill, and several hand tools also disappeared. The original UUV report was supplemented with burglary charges.

Tuesday, July 19
*A dude decked out in blue and white flowered shorts, red hat, flip flops, and goggles around his neck was trying to fight folks in the 24000 block of Redwood Hwy. at 5:09 p.m.

Wednesday, July 20
*On July 19 a fellow tracked his lost cell phone to the 200 block of Finch Road, but he had no luck retrieving it. When law enforcement followed up, a gal handed over the phone, and claimed that she found it in a metal pot next to her fence.
*Brandon Meuse was spraying for weeds in the 2000 block of Rockydale Road at 1 p.m. when he waved down a Josephine County Sheriff’s Office (JCSO) vehicle. Meuse knew he had a warrant for felony elude, but he did not know his court date. Meuse was cited to appear in Josephine County Circuit Court (JCCC) Aug. 5 in lieu of arrest.
*Jeffrey James Castle Bryant was contacted in the 200 block of S. Redwood Hwy. at 2:45 p.m. due to a misdemeanor warrant from JCSO for failure to appear (FTA) for two counts each of animal abandonment and second-degree animal neglect. Bryant was cited to appear in JCCC Aug. 5.
*At 7:35 p.m. a character said his car was stolen from a helicopter that landed in the 33000 block of Redwood Hwy. He didn’t know his address, or even his name without reading it off a foreign identification card. He proclaimed to be related to grizzly bears, and they would find him, but he denied taking any drugs or alcohol. At 11:08 p.m. he called again, refused to list his white Honda as stolen, then he asked to be taken to lunch. (Out to lunch is right.)

Thursday, July 21
*A home in the 500 block of E. River Street was ransacked, and a red 2017 Kia Niro was gone at 7:58 a.m. A report was filed for UUV and first-degree charges of burglary, criminal mischief, and theft.

Friday, July 22
*John Severns suffered injuries after his 1992 Ford Ranger pickup truck collided with a tree in the 10300 block of Takilma Road at 7:41 p.m. Severns was charged with driving under the influence of intoxicants (DUII) and reckless driving.
*The helmetless operator of a 1993 Honda motorcycle was tempting fate during a high-speed chase with law enforcement near Redwood Hwy. and Laurel Road at 10:15 p.m. He escaped on foot after crashing, and was last seen near the 22300 block of Redwood Hwy. There was probable cause for felony and misdemeanor elude and reckless driving.

Saturday, July 23
*At 5:38 p.m. Daniel Alejandro Hill Esparza claimed he was pepper-sprayed and shot at, then he crashed in the 4700 block of Holland Loop. Esparza was hostile towards law enforcement, so he was detained in JCJ for second-degree disorderly conduct.