(Editor’s note: Factual information for ‘Tales’ is provided by the Josephine County Sheriff’s Office. All persons listed are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Charges can be amended or dismissed.)
March 16
*A homeowner in Selma found five people in his driveway stealing from him. They had his chainsaws and generators loaded up and ready to go. One “well dressed lady” tried to tell him that she owned the house, then threw a sword at him. He fired a warning shot and held them at gunpoint until the sheriff showed up. Two of the five thieves fled, one was a child, according to the caller. The remaining thieves arrested at the 200 block of Warren Rd. in Selma were Cody Schatz, 45, Michael Ray Ailee, 44, and Darlin Sanchez, 48. Oh, Darlin, they must have Schatz their pants when they were looking down the barrel of a shotgun. The three were charged with felony burglary and theft charges, and hopefully some nice new prison underwear.
*Joe Thompson, 32, would not leave a property in the 100 block of Pinewood Way after the resident asked him to leave. He was rightfully served with a restraint order violation.
March 19
*At Redwood Hwy. and Hubbard Ln., a driver was cited for violating the basic rule. What is violating the basic rule, you may ask? It’s a fancy speeding ticket. Now you know.
*In the 300 block of S. Junction Ave., Dorothy Mae Valk, 46, didn’t stop while leaving a driveway, which is an “oops” ticket, but it led to Valk being arrested for a failure to appear for a duii charge. Oops, she did it again.
*Two men were trespassed from the Area 61 establishment in the 3400 block of Merlin Road. Maybe they were just being jerks, but Randy Jacobson, 44, rued the day when he was charged with failing to appear for “crimes against a person.” Sounds like a fun board game.
March 20
*A Pitbull named Brownie got her mom Stephanie Meads, 35, a citation after she ran loose and created some chaos in the 5500 block of Westside Road. To be clear, Brownie, not Stephanie, was running loose.
* “River”, another K9 was causing some trouble in the 300 block of Daily Lane.
*Frank Carl Smith was remanded from courts to serve his previous sentence for a past crime at the 500 block of NW River Street.
*David Somers, 39, was taken in by the po-po on a felony warrant for endangerment and reckless driving.
March 21
*Driving while restricted in the 1800 block of Redwood Hwy. got Xavier Vasquez and his motorcycle arrested.
*Someone was cited for making a California stop at Williams Hwy. and Work Ln.
*A naughty dog slipped his harness at the 200 block of Dexter way. The owner, Casio Wesley, (EPIC name!) had to pay the piper for their dog’s actions.