Tales from the Rural Patrol

(Editor’s note: Factual information for ‘Tales’ is provided by the Josephine County Sheriff’s Office. All persons listed are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Charges can be amended or dismissed.)

Sunday, Feb. 19
*A couple didn’t realize they were trespassing on private property when they pulled over to change their baby’s diaper in the 33000 block of Redwood Hwy. at 11:27 a.m. The resident did not pamper them when he demanded they leave, so they whined about harassment.

Monday, Feb. 20
*A pebble-brain was throwing rocks at his own vehicle near O’Brien General Store at 1:33 p.m.
*A counterfeit $100 bill was seized at Ray’s Food Place in Selma Feb. 17 at 6:45 p.m.
*At 6:38 p.m. a guy in the 800 block of Caves Hwy. claimed he was hit by a laser that was so hot that he had no feeling in his hand.

Tuesday, Feb. 21
*A man screamed that a gal tried to steal his white Subaru at 8:27 p.m. in the 24300 block of Redwood Hwy. He then said she was allowed to borrow it. The gal in a purple sweatshirt exited the car after she was intimidated by citizens with a bat.

Wednesday, Feb. 22
*Carly Jensen ran from law enforcement, but she was taken into custody near Speedy Mart at 1:16 p.m. Jensen was detained in Josephine County Jail (JCJ) for probation violation, third-degree escape, second-degree disorderly conduct (DOC), and interfering.

Thursday, Feb. 23
*At 3:59 p.m. four 300-pound bottles of nitrogen and a dry ice cooler were removed from the 5600 block of Lakeshore Drive after a disagreement between business partners. This cold act was deemed to be a civil matter.

Friday, Feb. 24
*A 2009 Carson fifth-wheel toy hauler with ‘Fun Runner’ on the side was stolen Feb. 23 at 10 p.m. from the 23000 block of Redwood Hwy.
*An unprepared joker in shorts and flip flops was stuck in a foot of snow near Happy Camp Road at 9:39 a.m. He had no food, and less than half tank of gas in his green Subaru Outback. He was rescued by a tow company and two bystanders at 1:04 p.m.
*Kaleb John Bartee had a felony warrant from Josephine County Sheriff’s Office (JCSO) for failure to appear (FTA) for criminal mischief. Bartee was contacted in the 200 block of W. Watkins Street at 11:28 a.m., then cited and released to appear in Josephine County Circuit Court (JCCC) March 15.
*A gal with dreadlocks down to her waist snuck off with a pair of white sneakers from Illinois Valley Thrift Store at 3:33 p.m.
*Aaron Lionel Jensen was arrested at 3:51 p.m. in the 200 block of W. Lister Street. Jensen was detained in JCJ on a felony warrant from JCSO for parole violation for possession of controlled substance (PCS) heroin.
*At 4:57 p.m. a mutual combat disturbance in the 100 block of Holton Creek Road resulted in the arrest of Gary Nicholas Baida. Baida had a warrant from JCSO for FTA for trespassing, so he was detained in JCJ.
Saturday, Feb. 25
*A gal in the 33000 block of Redwood Hwy. stated that a guy ripped out her fireplace and damaged her TV at 3:41 p.m. She was very upset because he threw and broke his meth bong, and her dog drank the bong water and was acting strange. (Sequel to ‘Cocaine Bear’?)
*At 5:47 p.m. a guy claimed that he received death threats after his property near Kerby Mainline was burglarized three weeks ago, and his dirt that contained gold was gone. He was advised to lock his residence and install cameras.
*Multiple shots were reported by residents in the 200 block of Madrona Drive at 8:13 p.m. They missed the memo that the fireworks were in celebration of Illinois Valley Wrestling Team winning the State Championship.