Tales of the Rural Patrol

(Editor’s note: Factual information for ‘Tales’ is provided by the Josephine County Sheriff’s Office. All persons listed are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Charges can be amended or dismissed.)

Sunday, Feb. 5
*A gal was warned for misuse of 911 after she was locked behind a shared-use gate in the 300 block of McMullen Creek Road at 8:48 a.m.
*Two alpacas or llamas were loose in the 6000 block of Rockydale Road at 10:41 a.m. An individual noted that there was plenty of food for the creatures, and nature would take its course.

Monday, Feb. 6
*A client at Washington Federal Bank in the 100 block of S. Redwood Hwy. claimed that her ATM card had been cloned at 12:14 p.m. She stated that an individual stole checks from strangers, deposited them into her account, then withdrew the funds using the cloned card Jan. 13 or 14.

Tuesday, Feb. 7
*A customer refused to leave after a clerk in the 200 block of N. Redwood Hwy. thought that two bills were phony money at 9:12 a.m. Minutes later she phoned 911 and explained that her pen was not functioning, and the money was legitimate. (Did the printer need new ink?)
*A resident in the 200 block of Dick George Road reported fraud on his bank account at 1:05 p.m. He had a copy of a cashed check for $965 with ‘wages’ in the memo line, but he did not even know the recipient.

Thursday, Feb. 9
*Evergreen Elementary was on lockdown as a precaution after a teacher saw a man walking with a rifle over his shoulder near the 500 block of W. River Street at 6:57 a.m. He vanished into the fog when law enforcement arrived.
*Two gals were quarreling about a $5 debt at 3:22 p.m. in the 3900 block of Rockydale Road. One placed the other in a headlock during an attempt to take a chainsaw as collateral.
*A whacko drove over a gate and was ‘burning brodies and acting like a fool’ near the 4900 block of Lakeshore Drive at 8:09 p.m.

Friday, Feb. 10
*A citizen heard a woman screaming ‘Help me, quit hurting me” at 4:19 a.m. near the 300 block of N. Hussey Avenue.
*A similar call was received from the 24000 block of Redwood Hwy. at 2:49 p.m. This time a dark-haired woman yelled for help, but there were no indications that she was in danger as she drove away.

Wednesday, Feb. 8
*A rotten apple must have shipped a package to a resident in the 600 block of Kendall Road who ordered an iPhone 14 pro. The box contained packing air bags, but no phone or paperwork at 11:43 a.m.
*At 1:05 p.m. a fellow in the 25600 block of Redwood Hwy. reported that his passport had been stolen. He believed his identity was being used because he was unable to complete or access any financial records or applications.

Saturday, Feb. 11
*At 3:36 p.m. a resident in the 300 block of S. Kerby Avenue claimed there was an unknown tweaker in his shower and she wouldn’t leave. He ranted that if the skinny brown-haired intruder was not gone by night, he was going to tie a rope around her and drag her outside. She relaxed in a three-hour bath, wrapped herself in a blanket, and left before law enforcement arrived.