Tales from the Rural Patrol

(Editor’s note: Factual information for ‘Tales’ is provided by the Josephine County Sheriff’s Office. All persons listed are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Charges can be amended or dismissed.)

Sunday, Jan. 8
*A sneaky thief in a green Ford Explorer was caught on surveillance footage when he snagged a package from Cabernet Circle. He was spotted at 11:34 a.m. near the 100 block of Deer Creek Road, wearing the same snazzy jacket with a Taco Bell logo on the back.
*An employee armed with a bat confronted a maniac swinging a machete near the 300 block of S. Redwood Hwy. at 7:47 p.m.

Monday, Jan. 9
*At 1:22 a.m. there was a report of criminal mischief after a red 2010 Dodge Ram pickup truck was damaged Jan. 6-7. Residents in the 300 block of McMullen Creek Road learned that being mean and threatening was not a crime, as they previously thought.
*Folks claimed they were robbed at a cabin they were building in an off-grid location in Josephine County at 10:47 a.m. A complete solar setup, Honda generator, STIHL chainsaws, tools, batteries, propane, heaters, and two pairs of Carhartt overalls were missing.
*An individual in Bend purchased a Toyota 4Runner from the 4900 block of Lakeshore Drive Dec. 23, but later discovered that the odometer had been rolled back, and the signature on the bill of sale was fake. The sleuth researched the seller and found his real name from a Josephine County Jail booking photo.
*Josephine County Sheriff’s Office (JCSO) assisted United States Marshals in their pursuit of a brown Nissan Armada with New Mexico plates near milepost (MP) 57 on I5. The fugitive from Weslaco, Texas was apprehended near Eight Dollar Road at 1:03 p.m. Sanzabeedee Guerrero was detained in Josephine County Jail (JCJ) on a felony warrant for first-degree continuous sexual abuse of a child.
*A home in the 9400 block of Takilma Road was ransacked between Jan. 1 and 7. At 3:13 p.m. a report was filed for first-degree burglary, three counts of first-degree theft of a firearm, and second-degree criminal mischief.
*Residents in the 1800 block of Draper Valley Road returned from vacation and found their home had been burglarized at 3:17 p.m. Security cameras, washer, dryer, pellet heater, drying racks and dehumidifiers, important documents, computers and a .38 special revolver were missing. A utility trailer was also stolen, but a hospital name band was left behind as evidence.
*A dark-blue ladies’ wallet and three keys were lost either in the 100 block of N. Redwood Hwy. or Illinois Valley Forks State Park at 3:41 p.m. A driver’s license and numerous cards, including medical, SNAP, Social Security, Ameriflex, and even a Canadian credit card were missing.

Tuesday, Jan. 10
*There was a disturbance between drivers of a green Jeep and a red pickup truck at CJ 76 Gas Station Car Wash at 1:34 a.m. One was armed with a bat, and the other hefted a golf club, and a vehicle window was broken before the temperamental athletes vacated the premises.
*Two porch pirates in a green Ford Excursion are in for a surprise after they stole a package from the 100 block of Cabernet Circle at 6:53 a.m. The purloined parcel contained gravel and dog feces.
*The owner of a white 1998 Toyota SR5 chased the thief and recovered his vehicle in a ditch near Takilma Road at 11:10 a.m. The careless crook ran away but left behind a wallet with identification.

Wednesday, Jan. 11
*A tacky fellow in a yellow jacket and red beanie urinated in view of staff and students at Head Start Early Intervention School at 10:36 a.m.
*Justin Taylor was detained in JCJ following his arrest in the 100 block of N. Redwood Hwy. at 3:06 p.m. Taylor was charged with two counts of third-degree theft and two of first-degree trespass.

Thursday, Jan. 12
*The driver of a white Audi sped away from law enforcement near milepost (MP) 35 on Hwy. 199 at 1:25 p.m. A report was filed for felony elude, reckless driving and misdemeanor driving while suspended.
*There was soap opera drama in the 300 block of McMullen Creek Road at 2:45 p.m. when folks were feuding over a dish tub.
*Jessica Conner was taken into custody near S. Redwood Hwy. and E. Watkins Street at 3:15 p.m. Conner was charged with third-degree theft, then released and cited to appear in Josephine County Circuit Court (JCCC) Feb. 1.

Friday, Jan. 13
*At 6:26 a.m. a hysterical guy in the 300 block of Little Grayback Road had a panic attack because his father pushed him when he let the cats outside in the middle of the night.
*A car window was broken during a disturbance in the 100 block of E. O’Brien Street at 10:24 a.m. An individual was cited and released to appear in JCCC Feb. 1 for unauthorized entry into motor vehicle (UEMV), second-degree criminal mischief, and third-degree theft.
*Multiple trailers were broken into at A-1 Storage in the 25600 block of Redwood Hwy. at 11:11 a.m. A ladder leaned against a fence next to a homeless camp.
*At 11:23 a.m. a guy threw a temper tantrum and smashed a TV and laptop in the 600 block of Frederick Court.
*The speed demon ditched her white Audi after she crashed into a ditch near Samarkand Drive and Waldo Road at 1:19 p.m. Her father was notified of the location of the vehicle.

Saturday, Jan. 14
*At 3:14 a.m. a guy claimed that a blonde assaulted him and his girlfriend near the 100 block of N. Redwood Hwy.
*A driver crashed into a fence and building at the Butterfly Pavilion at Rusk Ranch Nature Center at 9:31 p.m.