Tales from the Rural Patrol

(Editor’s note: Factual information for ‘Tales’ is provided by the Josephine County Sheriff’s Office. All persons listed are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Charges can be amended or dismissed.)

Sunday, Dec. 11
*A customer escorted a mouthy trespasser out of Grocery Outlet in the 300 block of S. Redwood Hwy. at 5:12 p.m.
*At 10:43 p.m. there was a report of a woman screaming in the 1500 block of Lone Mountain Road. However, when the dispatcher called back for an update, a guy said he did not phone 911.

Monday, Dec. 12
*A gal in the 6600 block of Rockydale Road felt entitled to a trailer because a dog impregnated another canine. She did not know the make or model of the trailer, and did not have a bill of sale. The license plate number was another missing link, but she did produce a blurry picture.
*A woman thought someone may have been assaulted near Laurel Road and Walters Drive at 7:07 p.m. because she heard a voice say, “They need to wrap something around his head.”

Tuesday, Dec. 13
*The driver of a purple Ford Ranger rammed into a Honda and pushed it under a sign in the 100 block of S. Redwood Hwy. at 1:27 a.m.
*A very skinny gal in cheetah leggings and a purple jacket was screaming at no one at 1:14 p.m. in the 100 block of S. Redwood Hwy.

Wednesday, Dec. 14
*A fellow was crawling with his pants down around his knees in a field near the 200 block of W. Watkins Street at 1:20 p.m. He refused medical assistance and was advised to find a warmer spot for shelter. (CYA, cover your anatomy.)
*A screaming woman in a pink shawl and red shoes tried to enter strangers’ homes near N. Kerby Avenue and W. River Street at 2:54 p.m. She was warned for disorderly conduct (DOC), advised against going on private property without being invited, and provided with a resource list.
*Residents in the 500 block of Schumacher Street did not appreciate green laser lights shining into their window at 4:24 p.m. They were concerned that the glare could blind them and their emotional support cat.

Thursday, Dec. 15
*Siskiyou Pines Development was at odds with Cave Junction City Hall at 12:10 p.m. Issues since March 2021 include lack of permits, theft of water, and dumping waste into sewage lines without paying for services.
*A trespasser in the 300 block of S. Redwood Hwy. grumbled about how ‘anyone owns anything’ at 12:27 p.m.
*A stolen Suzuki Accent 250 was recovered near Redwood Hwy. and Rockydale Road at 2:40 p.m. Zachary Dakota Lyon was detained in Josephine County Jail (JCJ) for unauthorized use of vehicle (UUV) and a misdemeanor warrant from Grants Pass Police Department (GPPD) for failure to appear (FTA) for second-degree trespass.
*A Stihl chainsaw was missing from the 2000 block of Rockydale Road at 4:59 p.m.
*A fellow in the 27500 block of Redwood Hwy. asked a citizen to call law enforcement because he was going to hurt himself. JCSO accommodated his wishes, and Philip Nerpel was detained in JCJ for first-degree criminal mischief.
*At 7:40 p.m. a gal with dreadlocks broke a window to gain access to a residence in the 600 block of Lone Mountain Road.

Friday, Dec. 16
*At 10:13 a.m. a gal in the 37700 block of Redwood Hwy. returned from vacation to find that her home had been ransacked. Numerous items, including outbuildings and the well pump were stolen.
*A gal with no pants was trespassed from businesses in the 300 block of Caves Hwy. At 12:16 p.m. a Good Samaritan provided food and warm clothes to the unfortunate soul.

Saturday, Dec. 17
*No cable? Blame the hellion that vandalized a Charter Communications box in the 1200 block of Lakeshore Drive at 3:40 p.m.
*Dogs killed a mini-horse and a donkey in the 200 block of Briar Lane at 4:31 p.m. The canines were impounded.