Tales from the Rural Patrol

(Editor’s note: Factual information for ‘Tales’ is provided by the Josephine County Sheriff’s Office. All persons listed are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Charges can be amended or dismissed.)

Sunday, Dec. 4
*Residents at Lone Mountain RV Resort were feuding at 12:31 a.m.

Monday, Dec. 5
*A sensitive guy felt he was being accused of stealing a truck from the 33000 block of Redwood Hwy. Dec. 3, so he wanted to press charges for discrimination at 8:17 a.m.
*A motorist in a green Prius was caught on radar at 90 miles per hour, and was cited for driving 74 in a 55 zone near Redwood Hwy. and Wild Park Lane at 9:37 a.m. Her excuses were that her child was late to school, and she didn’t realize how fast she was going after she pressed a ‘boost button’ on her car. (It’s called gas pedal, there’s another named brake.)
*At 1:28 p.m. a chap in rural Cave Junction reported stalking order violation after his current girlfriend received vulgar emails from his tacky troublemaker ex on Nov. 22.
*Dogs killed sheep in the 1900 block of White School House Road, according to a report at 3:54 p.m.
*A tall, thin fellow in a long brown coat claimed that he was shot in the foot, but there was no obvious injury at 7:16 p.m. in the 25600 block of Redwood Hwy.

Tuesday, Dec. 6
*The owner of property in the 400 block of Redwood Hwy. was notified that there were several unsecure doors, and occupants were taking advantage of the amenities at not-so-vacant Junction Inn at 10:18 a.m.
*More imaginative trespassers camped out at Illinois Valley Pool House on E. River Street at 10:36 a.m. There was extensive damage to toilets, doors, tables, lockers, etc.
*A man was kicked in the face during an altercation in the 200 block of W. Watkins Street at 1:39 p.m.
*It dawned on a fellow in the 200 block of Aquarius Way that accounts were fraudulently opened with Optimum and Verizon using his name. At 1:49 p.m. he reported the identity theft which originated in Maryland, Connecticut and New Jersey.

Wednesday, Dec. 7
*The driver of a Toyota sedan was unconscious at 2:39 a.m. after his vehicle crashed in the 1600 block of Lakeshore Drive.
*A mooch was helping himself to mulch in the 400 block of Redwood Hwy. at 12:05 p.m.
*Kelly King had two warrants when she was apprehended in the 100 block of S. Redwood Hwy. at 2:44 p.m. Josephine County Sheriff’s Office (JCSO) charged her with failure to appear (FTA) for second-degree theft. Grants Pass Department of Public Safety (GPDPS) held a felony warrant for theft and FTA for first-degree trespass, so King was detained in Josephine County Jail (JCJ).

Thursday, Dec. 8
*At 9:14 a.m. an employee for Illinois Valley Real Estate noticed that an intruder threw a rock through a slider door to gain access to an apartment in the 300 block of N. Hussey Avenue. (No vacancy at Junction Inn?)
*A combative fellow in the 200 block of Jackadel Lane was acting like a jackass until the dispatcher advised they would have JCSO check on him at 1:25 p.m.
*At 3:19 p.m. a caring grandmother in the 1600 block of Davis Creek Road was advised that her grandson was in jail and needed $3,000 for bail. Her wise husband warned her that it was a scam and prevented her from exchanging money with the fraudulent company from Philadelphia.
*When a fellow was advised he was under arrest, he disagreed and ran into his home in the 100 block of S. Sawyer Avenue at 4:02 p.m.
*The not-so-capable driver of a flatbed Ford pickup truck knocked down a pole and broke a large window at Riverside Physical Therapy, then backed into a red 2001 Chrysler. The motorist stalled the vehicle several times before leaving the 200 block of N. Redwood Hwy. at 10:04 p.m.

Friday, Dec. 9
*Porch pirates stole two Amazon boxes from the 100 block of Buck Canyon Road at 3:59 p.m. They must be so pleased with their bounty of four lights, cat food and kitty litter.
*At 4:44 p.m. a concerned gal contacted JCSO because family members had not heard from her sister since July. She was provided with a missing person form.

Saturday, Dec. 10
*Residents in the 200 block of Queen of Bronze thought it was BS that the neighbor’s four open-range bulls tore up their yard at 1:14 p.m.