Tales from the Rural Patrol

(Editor’s note: Factual information for ‘Tales’ is provided by the Josephine County Sheriff’s Office. All persons listed are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Charges can be amended or dismissed.)

Sunday, Sept. 18
*A grave situation was discovered at Laurel Cemetery at 10:39 a.m. after burglars stole an air-conditioner unit, printer, concrete mixer, water hoses, motion lights and important files. The zombies left behind a cup from Dairy Queen, but that was a dead-end lead because Oregon State Police (OSP) crime lab is not currently processing DNA/fingerprint evidence for non-felony person crimes.

Monday, Sept. 19
*Sarah Cameron was arrested at 11:15 a.m. in the 18000 block of Redwood Hwy. Cameron was detained in Josephine County Jail (JCJ) for two counts of violation of no-contact order.

Tuesday, Sept. 20
*Disturbances in the 100 block of E. O’Brien Street began when an intoxicated fellow smashed car windows and fired up chainsaws and a generator at 1:24 a.m. At 2:54 a.m. an individual suffered headaches after the drunk started a fire. At 6:45 p.m. the sticky situation worsened when he poured a bottle of syrup into a gas tank.

Thursday, Sept. 22
*Passersby checked on a gal who was screaming and crying at 2:07 p.m. near W. Watkins Street and S. Kerby Avenue. Apparently, it was just a Geritol moment, as an individual explained she was tired and had low iron.
*There were traffic issues at 5:08 p.m. because a bio-hazard box full of needles spilled along the bridge near Redwood Hwy. and Rockydale Road.
*A fellow in a red shirt held a machete in each hand as he chopped bushes near Brown Barn Laundry at 6:31 p.m.
*The driver of a silver-colored Toyota Tundra pickup truck was threatening folks with a squeegee near the 400 block of Redwood Hwy. at 8:59 p.m. (Bonkers of the Week award is a tie between Edward Scissorhands and Sir Squeegee.)
*Shylah Joy was detained in JCJ following her arrest near Redwood Hwy. and Laurel Road at 8:42 p.m. for a warrant from Josephine County Sheriff’s Office (JCSO). Joy was charged with failure to appear (FTA) for criminal driving while suspended or revoked and will serve a previously imposed sentence. Joshua Sanders was cited to appear in Josephine County Circuit Court (JCCC) Oct. 20 for felon in possession of restricted weapon.
*Paint was still fresh on graffiti in bathrooms, the stage, and skate park in Jubilee Park at 10:02 p.m.

Friday, Sept. 23
*On Sept. 22, a tall guy claimed he was from Colorado, wore a shirt that read “police,” and displayed a badge, but a resident balked when he demanded access into her home to search for her husband’s personal possessions. The wary resident reported the incident at the Cave Junction Substation in the 200 block of W. Lister Street at 9:38 a.m.
*Two people reported a skinny gal who was stripping as she walked near the 100 block of N. Redwood Hwy. at 6:50 p.m. She made another nude appearance at 9:09 p.m. in the 26500 block of Redwood Hwy., but she denied medical assistance, was sober and alert, and did not appear to be a danger to herself or others.

Wednesday, Sept. 21
*Multiple guns were taken, and a red mid-sized vehicle was seen leaving the house in the 5400 block of Lakeshore Drive after bungling burglars were interrupted at 8:34 p.m.