Tales from the Rural Patrol

(Editor’s note: Factual information for ‘Tales’ is provided by the Josephine County Sheriff’s Office. All persons listed are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Charges can be amended or dismissed.)

Saturday, July 9
*Brothers defended their little sister when she was harassed near Illinois River Road and NF-4105 Road at 5:12 p.m. They sprayed bear mace at the bullies, which defused the situation.
*A pet owner claimed that someone grabbed her French bulldog from the back of her truck in the 24000 block of Redwood Hwy. at 6:59 p.m. She was convinced there was no way for her dog to jump out, but video cameras documented the canine’s escape.

Sunday, July 10
*‘Chipmunk’ was captured in the 2900 block of Rogue River Hwy. at 10:01 a.m. Merle Leonard Southard, Jr. was detained in Josephine County Jail (JCJ) on a felony warrant from Josephine County Sheriff’s Office (JCSO) for parole violation for elude.
*At 10:21 p.m. a fellow in a bulletproof vest paraded around the 100 block of S. Redwood Hwy. with a machete strapped to his back. A citizen mentioned this to employees, but they weren’t concerned.

Monday, July 11
*A missing person form was completed after a fellow claimed his girlfriend left their residence in the 6900 block of Holland Loop at midnight. She was last seen wearing a black hoodie that read “Backwoods,” gray sweats and no shoes. He stated that he hadn’t seen or heard from her since she ran through blackberry fences and jumped a barbed wire fence. (Barefoot?)
*An abandoned red Kia hatchback has been parked in the 200 block of N. Redwood Hwy. since July 5. The Kia matches Department of Motor Vehicle records of an individual missing from Central Point.
*On July 8 a western-style purse with blue and pink butterfly design was stolen from the 300 block of S. Redwood Hwy. Security video recorded the theft by a skinny female, and the Oregon Trail card was used to charge $884.23 at Sherm’s Thunderbird Market in Medford at 3:37 a.m.
*A Nissan Altima landed on an electrical box after a collision with a Toyota Tacoma near S. Kerby Avenue and W. Lister Street at 9:50 p.m.

Tuesday, July 12
*A rude gal in the 100 block of N. Boundary Avenue phoned six times and yelled derogatory things at the 911 operator at 12:30 a.m.
*A resident in the 200 block of S. Kerby Avenue realized her 1998 or 1999 gold-colored Nissan Altima was not in her driveway at 10:42 a.m. (Check the electrical box?)
*Luey Magic Ocean Music Glenn was tased and arrested in the 200 block of W. Lister Street at 12:45 p.m. Glenn was detained in JCJ on two misdemeanor warrants from JCSO for failure to appear (FTA) for public indecency and five counts of second-degree trespass. Glenn was also charged with third-degree escape, resisting arrest and menacing.
*A window was smashed, and CDs taken from a vehicle parked near Rough and Ready Botanical Wayside at 4:29 p.m.
*Flour, brown sugar, a fishing pole and a stun gun were weapons of choice during a disturbance in the 24500 block of Redwood Hwy. at 6:17 p.m.
*A hussy was caught with her pants down near milepost 4 on Takilma Road at 7:50 p.m.

Wednesday, July 13
*A highly intoxicated chap with feathers in his cap refused to leave the United States Post Office in the 18300 block of Redwood Hwy. at 7:54 a.m.
*A gal’s sandal was caught between the accelerator and floorboard when she hit the brake pedal at 2:55 p.m. This caused her to crash through shrubs and into a tree in the 25600 block of Redwood Hwy.
*A stool pigeon reported that Justin Taylor was breaking into a blue Ford Explorer near Finch Road at 7:28 p.m.
*Youngsters must miss school days, as they were seen on the roof of Evergreen Elementary at 7:49 p.m.
*Kyle Casteel was detained in JCJ following a domestic violence incident in the 600 block of Crooks Creek Road at 7:49 p.m. Casteel was charged with fourth-degree attempted assault and menacing-domestic violence.

Thursday, July 14
*There was probable cause for charges for fourth-degree assault and interfering with a 911 call due to an incident in the 2600 block of Chapman Creek Road at 12:16 a.m.
*Luey Magic Ocean Music Glenn was back in JCJ following his arrest near the 100 block of S. Kerby Avenue at 11:12 a.m. Glenn was charged with third-degree criminal mischief and second-degree trespass.
*Squatters ran electrical cords from a shed in the 1900 block of Caves Hwy. at 2:36 p.m. Cameron James Cook had a felony warrant from Jackson County Sheriff’s Office for failure to register as a sex offender. Grants Pass Department of Public Safety (GPDPS) wanted Cook for a misdemeanor warrant for FTA for third-degree theft and giving false information to peace officer. Cook was also charged with first-degree trespass and third-degree criminal mischief, and he was detained in JCJ.

Friday, July 15
*There was probable cause for charges of felony and misdemeanor elude, reckless driving and endangering for the driver who eluded law enforcement near W. River Street and N. Redwood Hwy. at 2:11 a.m.

*Meanwhile, a gal in Grants Pass was heavily slurring her words when she phoned 911 at 2:14 a.m. She asserted that she was not intoxicated, she just needed help walking up her stairs. She was informed that JCSO does not provide that service, but she refused their kind offer to transport her to the Grants Pass Sobering Center instead.
*A motorist in a red Subaru was angry with a speeding driver in the 300 block of Cedar Ridge Drive at 9:41 a.m., so he dented an orange Jeep Wrangler with a tire iron. Richard Lawrence Parris was charged with first-degree criminal mischief and cited to appear in Josephine County Circuit Court (JCCC) on August 3.
*A pink-haired gal said a man choked her because she took his cigarettes, and he thought she took his heroin. Shawn Council Weaver was taken into custody in the 200 block of W. Palmer Street at 1:49 p.m. Weaver was detained in JCJ for fourth-degree assault domestic violence and strangulation.
*Joseph David Ainsworth was detained in JCJ after he was arrested at Jubilee Park at 5:26 p.m. Ainsworth had misdemeanor warrants for probation violation for possession of controlled substance (PCS) meth and FTA for false information to peace officer in connection with citation.
Saturday, July 16
*Jacob Salas was charged with driving while suspended when he was contacted near Reeves Creek Road and Lakeshore Drive at 11:30 a.m. His cuff key was unnecessary, Salas was released and cited to appear in JCCC on August 16.
*At 12:55 p.m. the driver of a blue sedan died after he tried to evade law enforcement at 115 miles per hour, then crashed into a power pole and fence near Rockydale Road.
*At 4:49 p.m. a whiner in Los Angeles was advised to contact his local authorities after he complained that his mother told his ex’s father that his current girlfriend looks like a prostitute.